human beings are strange.

it's hard to look inside your heart and know what is it you really want. sometimes you surprise yourself by wanting something you didnt even know you wanted. and sometimes you are too slow to realise what's the most important thing to you.

even if you do realise the most important thing to you, don't all human beings find it hard to treasure them on a daily basis? we tend to take things for granted, and this is human nature. it's just like people saying they want to have a fresh start, turn over a new leaf. how many of them actually do it after the first time they decided to do it?

we make mistakes over and over again, soon realising that people do not always forgive you for your mistakes. you are the only one who can be here for yourself. no matter how close you feel with someone else, whether someone else has seen every side of you, they still wouldnt know this tiny part of you that's hiding, afraid to come out. they also might not accept you after this tiny, real part of you do come out of its hiding. no matter how close two of you might seem to be, there is still a thin, invisible wall trapped between the two of you, some impassable distance, making you realise that after all this while, you've only been alone after all. it makes you recognise the fact that you're but separate entities after all.

this was the place i thought i would stay for the longest time. but today, im moving out. maybe it would be for the better. i would try my best not to go back to visit the place again. maybe. maybe after a long, long time would i go there again. it might already be so different i could not recognise it. it might still be the same. or it might be occupied by someone else then. i tend to mess up things too bad, and then put the blame on circumstances instead of myself. but im only human.

and a believer.